Thursday, September 24, 2009

FINALS NYC MIDNIGHT- Purgato

You take the bus to the car wash because you have no car. Every two weeks the compulsion strikes, shaking you from your dolor and listlessness. You have no currency, but in your jeans

–faded by time not acid washed– in the little pocket for drugs or spare buttons, you always manage to find two tokens. The tokens are strange, etched with two winding snakes, and weigh more in the center than the edges, as if they were smelted from cores of lead.

The bus only ever comes to your stop after what seems like an interminable wait. There is no schedule posted on the metal pole next to the bench, no advertising either for some small divertissement. On the bus, which is blue, there is one long row of seats, so that, you’ve conjectured, no one may claim a window and no one may claim an aisle.

The patrons on the bus are not housemaids and junior college students, nor are they late night revelers or even old ladies with their Sunday groceries. They are technocrats and dilettantes, captains of industry and aestheticians. Each wears a sanitary mask, but you do not know if it is preventative or simply the new style.

You catch your reflection in a passing building, and the thinness of your combover surprises you. From the other side it would look so full, so virile, but you never remember to look from that direction.

Two blocks before Mort’s Hand Car Wash, you press the button to request a stop. You wish there was a cable to pull instead –the sensation would be so much different, like the yanking of reins to halt a carriage– but no matter, and as you step off the bus, you look at the shiny dull line of cars.

You enter the attached convenience store where customers purchase baubles and salted nuts and flip through romance novels while they wait. Chimes announce your entrance as you cross the threshold and the young lady at the register nods hello.

You turn and face the windows that line the hallway to the outdoor waiting area. You think to yourself that this is where fathers should be, holding their children up high to see the family station wagon rinsed, sudsed, then draped with long fingers of cloth.

But the windows are covered with newspaper, and it is translucent yet opaque, so no one can see how the cars are cleaned. Perhaps the old machinery has fallen into disrepair, and all the work is done by hand. There is only one break in the newsprint wallpaper: a doorway with a pentagonal knob. For the life of you, you cannot figure out which side of the glass the light is coming from, but that is not why you are here.

As you walk through the hallway you pass a girl wearing saddle shoes, a school jumper, a dark red cardigan. She stands, her back towards you, engrossed in the single picture on the wall: a little league team photo yellowed with age.

Outside, the sky is gray, but not laden with rain, and you know Malco will have something good for you. You find him, as usual, arm deep in a bucket of sealant or wax. Malco, the master of the custom detail. You two have an ongoing agreement. Malco hands you the keys to the most striking vehicle in his care, something that both repels and attracts, like both ends of a magnet. You get the car for one hour, but cannot drive it further than once around the block.

And so every two weeks, you attempt to seduce a customer at the car wash, the kind of woman who would be impressed by a man of your stature, so clearly not someone who rides the bus. It is always the same. Before your hour-long drive around the block, you roll down the passenger side window, and ask how you can see her again. So far, the women have all politely declined, but they let you down so gently that a fortnight later, you are ready to try again. You are unsure what Malco gets out of the deal.

Today, the schoolgirl is your quarry, that much you know. Malco tells you the car is a Shelby Mustang the color of burnt ochre. You walk back inside the hallway, where she is still staring at the little league photo. She looks like the type to roll up her skirt. If she’s at the car wash alone, you think to yourself, she must be at least sixteen, unless she also took the bus.

“You know, that’s me there, second row,” you say to her, though you can’t remember if you ever played baseball or had a childhood.

“Really, which one?” she asks, craning her neck over and up to you, so that you can see the crude line under her chin where her makeup stops.

“The only one with a clean uniform,” you answer, “I never played much.”

She looks at you.

“Why do they cover the windows with newspaper?”

You decide then to grab her hand in yours –it is so small– and pull her behind you, eagerly and not lecherously, you hope. With your other hand, you grasp the doorknob, one finger for each of the five sides. Never before have you thought to do this. The knob turns, counterclockwise, and you lead the schoolgirl into the belly of the carwash.

Inside you see a hundred kittens, mewing and purring and crawling atop a rusted old car of no clear make or model. They lick and lick and it never gets any cleaner, and the kittens’ tongues are raw and their eyes the color of iron.

You let go of her hand. You still have one token for the ride home.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Hate Man

Most days, I see him at the Turf, cutting into a jacket potato with Taw Valley Tickler Cheese. Sometimes, he’ll order a half lager/half cider with a splash of currant, calls it a “snakebite.” He doesn’t enjoy it.

Hate Man isn’t really a misanthrope, in the sense that he doesn’t hate man. He surrounds himself with people. It’s effing Oxford, there’s people everywhere! It’s more Hateman, in that he probably comes from a long line of haters. Like me who, being a Smith, descends from blacksmiths or wordsmiths or silversmiths. Except that the name was originally Schmidt, and later changed at Ellis Island. So, bad example.

Liam says Hate Man couldn’t ever have been an Oxford Don. I had to ask Liam what a Don was, and he couldn’t explain it, so I won’t either.

One night, I decided to follow Hate Man as he made his rounds.

We –I say we, even though it was really he then I– began by sneaking into New College. It’s a misnomer really, New College being the second oldest at Oxford University. Liam also wanted me to let you know they shot the exteriors for Harry Potter there.

Hate Man moved with real purpose, like the hateful usually do. After a few minutes, we –he then I– entered a huge clearing. In the center there was a lump of a hill, with a set of built-in stairs up the middle, and a small corpse of trees at the top. Don’t ask me what kind. I later asked the porter about the trees, and he told me it was a copse, but at the time, it sounded like corpse.

I crept to the bottom of the stairs, once I was sure Hate Man had reached the top. At this point, he set down the cardboard box he had been holding. I didn’t mention it before? He unfolded the top open in that special way it had been kept closed. That last sentence sure ate its own tail. Hate Man then upended the box, and a dozen of the fattest rats you’d ever seen darted in all directions. Well 12 really. True North. North North East. Like a compass rose. One rat even nibbled at my shoelaces. I think it was West South West.

I now figured Hate Man for a public menace and it was up to me to confront him. But as I stood flush in front of the bottom step, the lump of gibbous moon reflected off my sneakers, and I was made. The porter –that’s Oxford for night watchman– came out of nowhere, and grabbed me by my ear. I tried to tell him about Hate man and the rats, but he wouldn’t have any of it.

“The Mound is off-limits to you lot, it’s sacred ground, it is,” the porter lectured me, still with a fingerful of lobe.

“Waddya talking about, that stupid hill?”

“That’s no hill, lad, it’s victims of the Black Plague, piled up through the ages. Spread by rats, they was.”